Selfish love is conditional love; you simply want your needs to be met, and if the person you have chosen to love doesn’t serve your needs, you reject that person and search elsewhere. Although it may seem beautiful for a time, such love without growth is bound to fail. When the person you love wants help, you may give it. But once the price becomes too high, if you feel you are giving more than you are receiving, you simply stop loving. After all, there is only so much discomfort that you are willing to tolerate for another person.
Selfless love, though, means rising above your own needs. It means going outside of yourself, truly connecting with another person’s ruh and therefore with Allah (swt). There are no conditions to selfless love; when Allah (swt) is the focus of our love, we do not constantly redefine our wants and needs.
So how to get the selfless love?
Read more here.
p/s: learn to love yourself first.